Where Do We Go From Here?

In the last two years, I have written 28 blogs. I have thought about justice, truth, and the meaning of life. Those topics were all tricky, but this one's harder than anything else I have ever done. Where do we go from here?

It's difficult for me to remember a time before this class. Quest English has changed the way I think, write, and feel so much. I can't remember, and can't imagine living without these deeper thoughts and ideas Quest has brought me. In these two years, I have discovered the vast number of things that there are to contemplate, and the millions of different ways there are to look at a single idea.

Quest taught me how to write, read, and present better, but more that that, I learned how to think. I somehow know more and less than I ever have before. I have learned so much about life, and human nature, but I have also been introduced to a world of new ideas that I haven't even began to explore. I am suddenly aware of everything I still have to see and think about, it's exciting.

With so many things to look at, they can't all be happy. We were told that smart people can be more easily depressed. Maybe this is because of the tenancy of over thinking, or maybe just that having general knowledge of all the bad things in the world can lead you to dark places.

I guess too much knowledge can be bad, and ignorance could distract you from those bad thoughts. I think that just like hope, ignorance is just a distraction from fear. If you decide not to look at bad things they can't affect you, right?

All of this makes sense. What doesn't though, is that I really don't want to be ignorant. I know that ignorance could make you happier, but there is no part of me that want's to ignore any piece of knowledge I can find. Choosing to ignore the bad is choosing to ignore a piece of the truth. Darkness is real, and that's ok, but by ignoring it, I would be lying to myself.

This year I learned that I love searching for the truth, even if I still don't know what truth means. I have decided that I want to be anything but ignorant. I guess that what I really want, is to be awake.

The millions are awake enough
for physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for 
effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a 
poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet 
met a man who was quite awake. How could I have looked him in 
the face? (Thoreau 9) 

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to
front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn 
what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I 
had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so 
dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite 
necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of 
life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that 
was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into 
a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be 
mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and 
publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it 
by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next 
excursion. (Thoreau 9)

Before I even fully understood what these quotes meant, I liked them. We read Where I Lived and What I Lived For last year, but it really stuck with me. I even unintentionally memorized parts of it. It states what I hope to be more poetically than I ever could. I want to be awake.

Before Quest English, I didn't think about the meaning of life like this. I didn't wonder about true justice in my free time, and I didn't discuss social norms with my friends at the lunch table. I'm happy that I do those things now though, and i'm happy that I know people that don't act like i'm weird, but join me when I want to talk about something philosophical.

So many things about me have changed in just two years. There is a truly incredible amount of difference between my first blog post and my last. I have improved in my writing, and I have become a better reader. Possibly an even bigger difference though, is that I have started to express my ideas.

I am so lucky to be with all of the other Questers. It's indescribable, the way our class chemistry has grown in almost five years. I have been with them for half of my education now, its crazy. The fact that I can share my thoughts and ideas with everyone there, without being scared of being judged, it's huge for me.

I have never fit in with a group of people so well, and I can't imagine ever being able to again. All of us are so different, but we somehow all fit together so perfectly. I can't express how much I love every person in Quest.

There is a certain energy that comes with our little group. I guess we are all a little odd, but it works, and when we all decide we want something to happen, when we work together, we have power. I love it. It always blows me away, how smart everyone is, I just want them to know how perfect they all are. As close as we were in past years, we have become even closer this year.

Apparently this also makes us difficult to teach, but McCallum never seems to really have problems with that. I think that we all respect him so much that we could never give him problems. Thank you so much Mr. McCallum for being the type of teacher that was easy to respect, that encouraged us, challenged us, and let us sing Eye of the Tiger when we needed to.

I can't believe how much I learned these years and I really, really can't believe that it's ending. Thank you so much Questers, for absolutely everything. I can't put into words how much you have changed my life. Four and a half years went faster than I could have imagined. I love you all so much.

Goodbye Quest.