Hope and Fear

Fear is everywhere. It is a constant in life. Fears can be big things like phobias or small things like anxieties or worries. Whether big or small there is not a single person living that has not experienced some type of fear. I think that people are born fearful. The 'default' of our lives is fear, not hope.

This could have something to do with survival. Early people's main goal in life was surviving. They relied on fear to keep them cautious, and alive. Being too hopeful and adventurous could end badly. Maybe this same instinct is still part of our lives today.

It's easy for us to worry, we quickly indulge our fears and they often snowball into something much bigger. That's why worries are always so prominent in our lives

Because fear is a natural state for us, we have to work extra hard to hold on to hope. Hope doesn't snowball the way that fear does, when you find hope you have to keep hold of it and focus on it or fear will overcome you again.

In this way, hope is not much more than a device that we use to help us ignore fear. Lets say I forgot to study for the huge math final. I am fearful that I will fail the test, or the class, and my gpa will drop, and I won't get accepted to college... etc. Fear snowballs when you listen to it. I can say that I am hopeful that the test will be easy, or that it will be delayed but I know that those things won't happen.

This is false hope, it's very improbable that the test will get delayed but I still decide to think that it will. The only reason I'm hoping this is because I don't want to think about fear, and bad things that could happen. I am ignoring my fear by focusing on hope.

Even if hope only exists to balance fear out, we still need both hope and fear in our lives. In Lord of the Flies by William Goldng, the stranded boys rely on hope and fear in everything they do. Letting either of these emotions control them is a major setback. While on the island, Ralph sees a ship passing(Golding, 65). He becomes extremely hopeful for rescue until he notices that their smoke signal is out and that the ship won't find them. Suddenly all that hope is gone and he gets really angry at the other boys. He let hope control him too much and it ended with a letdown.

The most feared thing on the island is the beast. The beast controls everything that the boys do and when they do it. Any time they stop to think about the beast they get scared and stop working on hunting and the fire. Dwelling on fear sets them back and makes them forget their purpose. Piggy says: "The thing is-fear can't hurt you any more than a dream." The boys know it's silly to think about the beast but they end up doing it anyway.

Hanging on to hope or fear too closely drowns out your view of the more important things.

There is also lots of hope and fear involved in change. In Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart there is lots of rapid change, so lots of conflicting hope and fear. Villagers are fearful that new Christian settlers will take over their town and change their traditions. Their fear drives them to give a 'cursed' plot of ground to the settlers, to build a church.

They are very hopeful that the new church will be cursed, but the hope does not last long. The church remains uncursed and fear takes over again. The fear of the settlers drives the villagers to do something drastic, the curse. They let their fear have too much influence over them and it made them do bad things.

In All the Kings Horses by Kurt Vonnegut, the main character is driven by his hopes and fears. He is responsible for the lives of his family and friends. He is fearful of losing someone he loves, so when the opportunity to save all but one is seen, he has to take it. He becomes very hopeful that he can win, and protect almost everyone, that he takes a huge risk. He chooses to ignore the fear of losing one child by focusing on the hope that he can save everyone else. The hope is shielding him from what he is actually doing, killing his son.

So, like many things, hope and fear are good in moderation. Letting either of them consume you is dangerous, it keeps you from really seeing clearly. We need both hope and fear to balance each other out because the strength of either one alone is dangerous.

Ethnography

Naomi Curran

Mr. McCallum

Quest English 9

12-8- 2014

The Picture of Education:

Observing the BHS Arts Magnet Program

Preconceptions

“The Buffalo High School Arts Magnet Program.” This kind of fancy title gives you high expectations. It produces the image of a highly distinguished school, filled with interesting, intelligent students bursting with creative energy. It sounds like it could be an expensive private school, but it's really just a part of a regular high school.

This program integrates the arts within core classes as a learning tool, to teach kids in an unique

way.

I wanted to observe this culture, because I go to the same school that all the Arts Magnet students do, but I know almost nothing about how the program works. I think the arts infused classes are a really cool idea and I want to see how they are differ from my classes.

Another reason this group interests me is because of how it is similar to Quest. Quest is a program for gifted students. Both of these programs are for people that learn in a different way. The Quest students are often separated from the rest of our grade. Because we are together so often, we became really close to one another. The arts students’ classes are also separated from others, I wonder if they are as close as we are.

The Arts Magnet program is free to anyone that wants to join.  I think it would be interesting to see how groups form within the class. Do groups of friends join the program together or are new friendships made through these classes? Would someone join arts magnet alone if they knew their friends weren't joining? I may not be able to answer this through observation but it's still a question I have.

I expect this class will be less distinguished than the name sounds. These are arts classes, so I think there will be more learning by doing, and I will see more chaos than in a regular classroom. These people are also probably creative thinkers, with lots of ideas, so there will be lots of noise. I expect most of these people to be more toward the outgoing side.

I am excited to see the way that Arts Magnet classes differ from traditional classes and how the students learn in their own ways.

Background

The current Buffalo High School was built in 1997, but the Arts Magnet program didn’t begin until the 2005-2006 school year. In the first year of the program, there were about 90 students enrolled. Now there are around 250 students in the Arts Magnet program, spanning from ninth to twelfth grade.

The Mission of the Arts Magnet program is Academic Excellence through Artistic Inquiry. The program integrates the arts within core classes as a learning tool. Different people learn in different ways, these kids learn by relating the arts to what they do.

The Arts Magnet website says "The curriculum is based on the belief that the arts teach essential skills for the 21st century."

A wide range of Arts Magnet classes are offered. There are core classes like English, Social Studies, and Science. The other classes are divided into five categories: Performing Arts, Visual Arts, Applied Visual Arts, Literary Arts, and Media Arts. Some classes include dance, sculpture, interior design, poetry and film.

I am going to be observing a ninth grade Foundations class. The Foundations classes are based on the creative process and students individual interests involving the arts.

Observations

Monday, October 13th

The Arts Magnet room was in a dark hallway made up of gray cinder blocks and a gray cement floor. My footsteps echoed quietly off of the empty walls as I made my way quickly to the classroom. The door to room number 101 was big and wooden and opened heavily. A bright, cheery room greeted me inside, and I was immediately confronted by the smell of paint. I walked past rows of wooden tables towards the back of the classroom. I tried to be quiet, but many students still looked up from their work to watch me. It was the second month of class, they knew who was supposed to be there, and I wasn’t one of those people.

I sat down on the cool cement floor in the back of the room, leaning against the wooden cabinets behind me and trying to ignore the curious glances.

A lady stood pacing the front of the room as she spoke to the students. Her long, slightly silvery black hair and round glasses gave her a motherly look. She was the teacher, Mrs. Deb Bestland.

Mrs. Bestland was explaining the classes upcoming field trip to the theatre. She made sure to tell the students to be on their best behavior, unlike last time. Most of the students sat staring at their tables tiredly or messing around with their pencils.

Mrs. Bestland told the class to dress formally for the trip. This triggered an excited burst of chatter, contrasting the dreariness from a minute before. After calming the class down, a final round of questions were answered:

"Can we bring man purses?"

"Can I bring chapstick that clicks closed?"

Then, the class moved on.

Mrs. Bestland gave the students two minutes of free time before they started the next topic, adding that if she didn’t give them time to check their phones, they would do it anyway, except during class. The class immediately started talking and laughing loudly.

As the students happily took advantage of their free time, I looked around the room. This was definitely an art room. There was dried paint everywhere I looked. On the tables, the back countertops, and on the cement floor. It smelled like paint, too.

Above my place on the floor were lots of wooden cabinets. I was sitting under the one labeled 'Old Brushes'. Some of the other cabinet doors had swung open, they held stacks and stacks of dirty paint trays and hastily put away paint bottles. Drying on top of the cabinets were canvasses of half-finished art projects in every color.

The purple walls were covered in more student art. Paintings of geometric shapes were displayed next to pencil drawings and colorful portraits of flowers. Posters of color wheels were hung on every wall.

The students sat on tall metal stools that squeaked loudly on the cement floor every time someone moved. The stools surrounded rectangular tables. Out of the ten tables around the room all but two were occupied by only girls. The class consisted of four boys in all, the majority were girls.

Through the mess of noise I heard snippets of conversation.

"Water broke..."

"His girlfriend..."

And an angry, "...Left my phone at my grandmas!"

A few short, mousy haired girls stood up, laughing, to take a group picture together.

Mrs. Bestland stood at the front of the room and started counting down from five, everyone was expected to be quiet by zero. The students all scrambled to finish their sentences before she got to one. At zero there were still a few students speaking. Eventually Mrs. Bestland regained the attention of the class and reminded everyone to put away their phones.

She paced around the room and between the tables as she began to explain the next assignment. A bored looking girl in the back row with bleached blond hair looked back at me, wondering why I was there, before lazily returning her attention to the front of the room.

The students were instructed to get into groups of four. They found this to be very difficult. After a few minutes of loud arguing, yelling and complaining, the groups were formed. Their assignment was to talk about "What makes you uniquely you." Mrs Bestland repeated the directions several times, asked if the class had questions and then repeated the assignment a few more times. She repeated the assignment one last time and then let the groups discuss.

I walked up to the closest group, careful to avoid bumping a table full of clay sculptures, shaped like tiny buildings. A petite girl with a high voice thought her personality made her herself. The rest of the group thought that their facial features and clothing made them themselves.

As I walked around to different groups, I noticed that most of the students were off topic, some worse than others. Some kids were balancing books on their heads while others were talking excitedly about other things.

"Dirt biking..."

"That's so stupid!"

"Oh, you read those?"

"The walking Sabrina!"

"You used to be the quietest thing ever!"

The teacher counted down again and the class did not quiet down at all until two. The class shared what made themselves unique. Most of the answers were appearance based,  like hair, glasses, piercings, and clothes.

The class grew louder and more chatty over time, after a while the teacher decided to try something different to quiet them down. She took out a mouse puppet. The class immediately reacted, cheering and talking excitedly, the puppet was a big deal. Mrs. Bestland explained that whoever had the mouse could talk. If you didn’t have the mouse, it wasn’t your turn to talk. The class got surprisingly more respectful and the discussion continued.

Mrs. Bestland told the students that they were going to narrow the topic down. She related this to a camera lens, they were making the lens smaller, so the topic was less broad. Now they had to talk about things about themselves that if you changed, you wouldn't be yourself anymore.

The students once again started their discussions loudly. I wandered over to a new group and listened. It was a group of four girls all with colorful hair and clothes. One girl had red and black hair, a black plaid shirt and tribal leggings. She said that her religion made her herself.  

A chair tipped over and everyone gasped, they were still very easily distracted.

Most groups that I observed were distracted and asked me why I was there. A girl with white blonde hair and bright blue eyeshadow asked me rapid fire questions about all aspects my project. After trying and failing to have her talk to her group about the topic, I moved on to a different group.

The class collectively decided that the things that make you unique are your religion, decisions and morals. Along with your eye color, hair and fashion.

Mrs. Bestland suggested that your past could make you unique.  The class somehow turned this into a discussion about her past. They had so many questions about her past and her relationship with her family, that she eventually had to tell them it was none of their business. She then gave them some "Quiet chat time" This quickly turned into loud chatting time.

I grabbed my backpack and left the room while the class was still talking ‘quietly’.

Conclusion

When I walked into the Arts Magnet room, I had no idea what to expect. I was interested to see how the arts blended with academics. I was surprised to see a classroom not too different from my own.

The most infused part of what I saw was the analogy to the camera lens, but I know that there are lots of other infused parts I didn’t get to see in my short time there.

The class’s energy level was a contrasting mix of sometimes quiet and tired, sometimes loud and distracted. I guessed that they would be loud and outgoing, and I saw that some students were much more outgoing than others.

The students were in groups within the class, so I couldn’t really tell how the whole class’s relationship was. The students seemed to get along with the people around them well and contribute to class points together.

The Arts Magnet students are a group that shares a common interest in the arts that brings them together. They are able to learn together in a unique way that helps themselves and their classmates.

Ignorance is Bliss (Republic)

When I was little, I used to stand in front of the mirror and wonder what life was about. I would be going about my everyday life when these thoughts would strike me and I would find myself just standing there, staring at myself in the mirror, and thinking.

What is life. Why am I here? How am I alive with my own thoughts? One day i'm going to die. Life is so weird.

I don't know why, and i'm not sure how to describe it. I just got suddenly really aware of the fact that I was a living, breathing, thing. I usually tried to ignore these thoughts and push them away, because they always left me feeling small, conflicted, and confused. Maybe this is why this part of The Republic stuck with me.

Gold souled people are extraordinary. They are smart, talented and selfless but, they are also unhappy. The people with the most beautiful minds are never happy. "The several classes will receive that proportion of happiness which nature assigns to them." (pg 90) 

Gold souls are guided out of 'the cave' that the general public lives in. When they escape the cave they can see true forms. They learn about all kinds of amazing things and new ideas. They are enlightened by the outside world. Then they are forced to re enter the cave. They go back to society and live among all the cave dwellers who don't understand.

I remember reading the paragraph that described this. I must have reread it ten times because I didn't want to believe it. I felt like the gold souls deserved more, that they were being stifled.

I have always thought that the purpose of justice was to make people happy. Justice used to make me think of police cars and supreme courts. Justice is there to make us feel protected from the bad guys, and that makes us happy. The Republic twists this idea because there is lots of justice, without happiness.

I'm still not entirely sure what justice is, but I feel like the gold souls are being cheated. Not being able to live to their full potentials is not just. The wisest people get the worst lives.

Apparently smart people are more likely to be depressed. They are enlightened gold souls living next to a bunch of unenlightened bronze ones. When you feel like no one understands, that messes people up.

So, I wonder, is this society still just if some lives suck while others are great? Maybe leaving the cave is not actually a good thing, if when you return you will be alone. Ignorance is bliss. (So why am I so set on seeking more knowledge?)

Everything Sucks (Things Fall Apart)

I titled this blog Everything Sucks. Now, not everything actually sucks, but a whole lot of things in Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart do.

An important person in Umuofia really only has to have one specific trait. They need to be masculine. This culture values all aspects of masculinity. To be a leader you have to be both physically and emotionally strong. Physically strong to be a good worker and emotionally strong to hide any sign of emotion or weakness, which are seen as immasculine.

In the same way that this culture values masculinity, they also discourage femininity. To them, femininity is synonymous with weakness, everything that they don't want to be.

This system is not benefiting the woman or men. Boys grow up being pressured to act much older than they are, not show their emotions, and start the family business (Farming) early. Girls grow up believing that they are not worth as much as their brothers, and that they shouldn't have an opinion.

And the cycle continues because both the brothers and the sisters are raised looking up to their parents, and believing that what their parents are doing is always right. So when dad beats mom because dinner wasn't ready on time, the kids think it's normal and good (which it is normal, in this culture.) "Okonkwo ruled his household with a heavy hand. His wives, especially the youngest, lived in perpetual fear of his fiery temper"(Achebe 13).

This type of thinking complicates relationships in Okonkwo's family. Okonkwo cares a lot about his kids being masculine, a feminine son could reflect poorly on his reputation. So when Nwoye shows signs of liking feminine things, like stories, Okonkwo is scared."Okonkwo was popularly called the 'Roaring Flame.' As he looked into the log fire he recalled the name. He was a flaming fire. How then could he have begotten a son like Nwoye, degenerate and effeminate? Perhaps he was not his son. No! he could not be. His wife had played him false. He would teach her! But Nwoye resembled his grandfather, Unoka, who was Okonkwo's father. He pushed the thought out of his mind. He, Okonkwo, was called a flaming fire. How could he have begotten a woman for a son"(153)?

Okonkwo eventually teaches Nwoye to be more masculine. Nwoye is scared of his father, but he is also eager to please him so he does what Okonkwo wants him to."Nothing pleased Nwoye now more than to be sent for by his mother or another of his father's wives to do one of those difficult and masculine tasks in the home, like splitting wood or pounding food. On receiving such a message through a younger brother or sister, Nwoye would feign annoyance and grumble aloud about women and their troubles"(52).

On the other side of the spectrum is Okonkwo's daughter, Ezinma. Ezinma is not a perfectly feminine girl, but her father likes her more than he tries to let on. He remarks that he wishes she would have been a boy. He says that she has 'a good spirit' and he favors her over Nwoye. I wonder what he thinks would be different if she were a boy, he wishes she were so badly. Everything about her is good, except for the fact that she is a girl.

The worst thing isn't the culture itself, it's the way it correlates to real life, society outside of the book. Masculinity and femininity still exist in real life and they are valued in almost exactly the same way as they are in the book. In both places masculinity is deemed better.

When a woman wants to be taken seriously, like at work, she wears more masculine clothes. Blazers for women are supposed to look like suits that men wear. In the 80's shoulder pads were popular, broadening your shoulders would make you look more masculine and men would, in theory, take you more seriously. When a women wants to be taken seriously, she makes herself look like a man.

We teach our children to value everything masculine. We encourage our sons to play football and like monster trucks. When little Suzy asks if she can play baseball this year we rejoice because she isn't so girly, she's not afraid to get dirty. But when little Parker wants to take dance class we scold him because that's only for girls! Besides, what would the neighbors think?

One day in class we were looking at slides projected on the wall. A student raised his hand to ask why all the pronouns on the slide were she's instead of he's. Now, I could totally be misinterpreting this, but it seemed like he was so used to he being the default that he was surprised when the slide said she instead. It's not his fault, it's the world we live in, but it was still slightly surprising that he found it so unnatural to be using a feminine pronoun.

Another day, I heard a brother and sister fighting, both elementary schoolers. I don't remember what the argument was about but it was heated and the brother was running out of comebacks. So he used this one. "Yeah well... men are superior to woman!" The sister had nothing to say. She accepted the statement like it was true and there was nothing she could do about it.

These kids had been taught, whether their parents were conscious of it or not, that masculinity was somehow definitively above femininity.

I'm not saying that this is how people are 100% of the time, it's not. I'm also not saying that this is the biggest problem in the world right now and that everyone needs to pay attention to it. But these ideas are still etched into our own culture so much that we don't even really notice it anymore.

Half of the Earth's population is female, femininity is everywhere, as is masculinity. I don't think femininity is going away anytime soon so maybe we can just accept it as a part of our culture.


*I know that I am privileged and that I am undoubtedly biased, but hopefully this wasn't too offensive/ painfully ignorant/ rant-ish. Yay!

Preconceptions

The Buffalo High School Arts Magnet Program. This kind of fancy title gives you high expectations. It gives the image of a highly distinguished program, filled with interesting, intelligent students bursting with creative energy. It sounds like it could be an expensive private school but it's actually within a regular high school.

The Mission of the Arts Magnet program is Academic Excellence through Artistic Inquiry. The program integrates the arts within core classes as a learning tool. Different people learn in different ways, these kids learn by relating the arts to what they do.

The Arts Magnet website says "The curriculum is based on the belief that the arts teach essential skills for the 21st century." 

I wanted to observe this "culture" because I go to the same school as all the Arts students do, but I know almost nothing about how their classes work. I think the arts infused classes are a really cool idea and I want to see how they work. I am curious to see how they can relate the arts to science. Science and art exist in two different worlds for me, art is more free and science is very factual. I am excited to see how that works.

Another reason I think this group is so interesting is because of how it relates to Quest. Both of these programs are for people that learn in a different way. All the Quest students are mostly separated from everyone else, this forced us to become really close to one another. The arts students are also separated from others, I wonder if they are as close as we are.

The Arts Magnet program is free to anyone that wants to join (as far as I know).  I think it would be interesting to see how groups form within the class. Do groups of friends join the program together or are new friendships made through these classes? In Quest, if your friends don't make it in you are forced to make new friends there. Would someone join arts magnet alone if they knew their friends weren't joining? I may not be able to answer this through observation but it's still a question I have.

I expect this class will be less distinguished than the name sounds. Because these are arts classes I think there will be more learning by doing, so more chaos than a regular classroom. These people are also probably creative thinkers, with lots of ideas, so lots of noise. I expect most of these people to be more toward the outgoing side.

I am excited to see the way that Arts Magnet classes differ from traditional classes and how the students learn in a different way.

I Am From

I am from the wood burning stove,
from sunscreen and ponytails.
I am from sunny yellow paint
and splintered dock boards.
I am from algae
the monkey tree
whose lightning struck limbs I remember
as if they were my own.

I'm from green milk and blonde hair,
from Michael Allen and Patti Jo.
I'm from leaf piles and Mickey waffles
and from candlelight.

I'm from Czy nie ma zadnych uszy? and No whining at the beach!
and you are my sunshine.
I'm from streamer canopies.
I'm from Ceder Rapids and Lake Charlotte,
hot dish and strawberry jam.
From Silver Bridge,
and one red rose.
Pictures of the past,
In dusty frames along on the wall.

I am from memories.

Writers Autobiography

We all have those certain stories. The ones that make us stop and think, that change our view of the world. The ones that reach out and connect with us.

Words are so indescribably powerful. I’m not sure when I started to recognise the vast effects that words can have but since then I have been slightly obsessed with that effect.

I wish I could create meaningful stories. I want to create the stuff that makes people think, that makes them feel something. I just think it would be so incredible to open someone's eyes or connect with them so soundly through words.

I respect authors so much. I have too many thoughts that I could never dream of putting into words. If you can do that, and express yourself in that way, you are so cool.

I guess that’s where I want to be as a writer. But here is where I really am.

My Brother

Once upon a time livd a girl named Lily and a boy named Tyler. Lily was 6 Tyler was 9. Lily wantid to be a fairy princess but tyler thout that was just stupid.

(A telling piece of writing from my third grade journal)

For a long time, writing was more of a chore than anything else for me, just another homework assignment. Maybe that’s because until recently, my writing had no meaning.

Writing in school seems to be normally centered around just getting words down, no matter what those words mean. From this idea emerges the dreaded writing prompt (at least dreaded for me). Writing prompts are busy work. I never understood what we could ever get out of “ Write about what you did over the weekend.” and “Write about your favorite season.”

In some grades of elementary school we had a different writing prompt for every day of the week. Let’s just say that this did nothing to improve my view of writing. I would huff and write another meaningless paragraph.

As I got older, the writing slowly changed. In late elementary school we did mini book reports, not a whole lot more exciting in my opinion. Rewriting a book in a few sentences requires no thought, so I had no interest.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like to learn, I love to learn by reading, but when it came time to write, I got really bored really fast.

In middle school the writing got harder, science fair and history day challenged me to write longer papers. Once again longer papers did not correspond to more thought, it just made for more busywork.

In seventh grade we had to write short stories. These stories could be about anything you could possibly think of. Mine ended up being about a drawing that came to life. This just goes to show my lack of creativity when it comes to writing. There are so  many other stories about the exact same concept.

This is just another one of the problems I have with writing. I’m not good at thinking of original concepts for stories. Maybe that’s because I only ever write research papers or maybe it’s just because I am not creative.

In eighth grade something odd happened. We got an assignment to write a 300 word blog. For one thing, 300 words was outrageous at the time, I had no idea how I was supposed to make it happen. Then we were told that the topic was truth. That was all. It was so odd to get to write about something so unspecific. There are so many different ways you can go with just one word as the requirement. I had never experienced that kind of freedom in assignments before.

The blogs continued and I realized that maybe, for the first time ever, I was proud of what I was writing. I feel like the less structured requirements gave me room to think and put something into the writing that I cared about.

Writing became more exciting when real thought was finally involved. Research papers can help you learn but they don’t seem like real writing to me, chewing up and spitting out other peoples ideas and facts can only get you so far.

Once I figured out how to put my thoughts into words and put what I’m passionate about down, that’s when I started getting writing that I was proud of.

Besides the blogs, I also realized that I like writing poetry. I know that most people really hate it but I like the way that poetry can be more emotional than regular writing. I like the imagery in poetry and the way it flows. This is the only kind of writing I have ever been able to do for fun.

I realized that the best way for me to write is to put feeling into it. Just like it’s easier to talk about things that you are passionate about, It’s also easier to write when you are feeling something. I have grown so much in my writing in the last few years, hopefully I can continue to improve and create something that connects with others.

Are you you?- Hamlet Blog

Who are you?

This is an extremely simple question with an extremely complex answer. How are you supposed to define a person's entire existence in one short response? You may not even fully know who you are, that makes explaining it to another person that much more difficult. If you're not sure who you are here's a little tip.

You are not you. Yes, you read that right. You are not you. Well, you are partly you. Actually, maybe you are even mostly you. But not really. Never really you. This may seem like a depressing Dr. Seuss poem but it really does have a point.

You must be wondering by now, 'If i'm not me, then who am I?'.  Your personality is a patchwork quilt of all the people you are close to, care about, and look up too. If you see them do something admirable, you want to do that too. And if they tell you to do something differently, you obey, because you want to please them.

Sometimes the things that others tell you to think conflict with what you would otherwise think. These ideas create a contrast in your personality. Sometimes these conflicts are small. Other times they are more consequential.

Like in the famous play Hamlet by Shakespeare. It is in (Extremely) short, about a boy (Hamlet) trying to find and kill the man who murdered his father.

Hamlet faces plenty of struggles but many of them stem from the fact that he has so many people telling him what to do and think. Hamlet conflicts with his mother. He is still grieving for his father, but his mom wants him to stop wearing black clothes and get on with his life. He is also suspicious of his uncle, the new king. His mother disagrees and marries the uncle.

The ghost of Hamlet's father visits him and tells him to get revenge. Hamlet must kill his father's killer. This is the source of lots of the internal conflict Hamlet has.

The problem is, Hamlet thinks too much. Or he thinks too much to kill a person without reason. He likes to really think things through before proceeding. That's a problem because it's hard for him to think through killing someone and end up with the impression that it's a good idea. He is disappointed with himself because he wants to do this for his father, but he is having trouble.

"Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave,
That I, the son of a dear father murdered,
Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,
Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words
And fall a-cursing like a very drab,
A scullion! Fie upon 't, foh!"
(2.2. 560-65).

Hamlet starts to interpret this indecision as cowardice. He thinks that the reason he is having a hard time killing is because he is afraid. He begins to dislike his thoughtfulness. I think that he starts to think that his emotions and thought are more of a barrier than a helpful thing.

"Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee"
(3.2. 64-67).

He also compares himself to a prince from another city, Fortinbras. Fortinbras is Hamlet's same age but is seemingly much more successful and more of what you would expect a price to be. He is recklessly brave, the opposite of Hamlet, and what Hamlet wishes to be. Hamlet wishes he were braver so that he could kill the murderer and not end up feeling guilty or afraid.

"Rightly to be great
Is not to stir without great argument,
But greatly to find quarrel in a straw
When honor's at the stake"
(4.4. 52-55)


Indecision comes from others more than yourself. It's too easy to doubt yourself when someone else questions you. Conflicting elements in your personality are often between your own opinion, and what others are pressuring you to think. Hamlet dealt with this pressure from others badly, and he ultimately became someone he was not.

Found Poem- These Are Our Kids

Forced

Bullied

Homeless

These are our kids

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Original article

Justice

Remember when you were little and you drew on your brothers face while he was sleeping (because it was going to be so funny!) but then you got caught. You had to sit in the corner for like 5 minutes and it totally sucked. Your mom tells you to be good and then lets you go play again.

As soon as you are old enough to really understand anything, your parents want you to know the importance of being good. To do this, they simply punish you for being bad. That is the mini justice system within your family. As your life continues you are told more and more often to be good. And soon it's not just "be good.", it's "be good or else.". 

If you keep being bad the punishment gets worse and worse. The small justice system of your family turns into a national law so that now if you break the rules, you face jail time instead of the corner. 

This is the type of justice that is most familiar to me. Be good or else. In Plato's The Republic the idea that "Justice is the art that gives good to friends and evil to enemies." seems like a simple (and more perfect sounding) way to describe our system. Our society mostly focuses on the punishment part of the statement. We give evil to enemies (bad people) but we don't really give good to friends (good people.)

Does this system of punishing the bad work all the time? No. But I don't think any system really could. True justice can never be truly achieved. What one person believes to be just and true can be totally different than what another person believes. No justice system could ever work flawlessly because no two people could ever agree on what is just. 

But even if we can never achieve true justice, we could definitely get closer to an ideal. 

For every dollar a man makes in the united states a woman makes only 77 cents. Two people are doing the exact same job, they have the same level of expertise and education, but one of them gets payed 23% less. Because she happens to have one more X chromosome. What's worse is that a colored woman gets paid even less. Hispanic woman are paid at 53% of white men's wage. That doesn't sound so just to me.

I can't pinpoint the precise definition of justice, but to me it has a lot to do with fairness. Nothing about this system of payment seems fair.

So society teaches us all our lives to be good and if we don't, we will be punished. This system stays with us our entire lives. Our parents were taught this way and their parents were probably too. Because there is no perfect way to achieve justice we just have to keep expanding and get as close as we can.

What I learned this year

I learned some stuff in english this year. It was pretty cool.

First I found out how to make a website and embed links, a bunch of computer stuff. I learned that truth is different for different people. My values and upbringing are different than yours so my truth is different than yours. Happiness and success are connected. The ultimate success you can achieve is happiness. I learned how important it is to enjoy and cherish your life. "Live deep and suck all the marrow of life" I didn't even have to hide in the woods to figure it out. 

I learned that we definitely need more slacker teachers, (I also learned how to use satire). I learned how to use logical fallacies (If anyone has ever called you a stupidhead bologna face you are a victim of Personal Attack!). I learned how to use sources to back up my arguments. I found out that we are all going to fail in life without weighted grades (yay). I found that a good man is hard to find. I learned that leaders are absolute pigs (Mostly Napoleon but, you know).

I learned that power can be very dangerous and can change a person. No matter how good the leader, there will always be people uncontent. "Ye gods, it doth amaze me" how much one can learn in one year! I realized that dystopias are scary and sad, mostly because of the truth in them. I also saw how much power books, or the knowledge within them hold. "(Books) stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us." I learned that our own thoughts are gifts and our self awareness is crucial.

I learned that there are no perfect utopias, and that there could never be one. I learned that first impressions are really inconsistent and that humans are very judgemental creatures. I learned how to do good firsthand research and work hard.

I learned so much. But the most important thing to me was that I learned how awesome english can be. I have always loved english class but this year was really the best I could imagine. I really love being able to look deeply at things and find hidden meanings. I learned how amazing class discussions can be when everyone is thinking freely and talking about it together. I learned that really cool things happen when we are allowed to just think, and voice our opinions.

I learned how much I love my Quest class and all the people in it. It's a place where I actually fit in. I am going to have a really hard time leaving it all next year. I learned how much of a difference a teacher can make. Because McCallum is kind of amazing. He makes class so much fun, it's somewhere I want to be. I don't even know how to put it into words. Thank you Mr. McCallum.

So, I guess I learned some things. I also learned that I am really cheesy. Sorry.

First Impressions

 The idea that you can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them is very interesting to me. How can you gather so much from just appearance? Does our appearance say more about ourselves than we know? That is why I decided to research: How accurate are our first impressions?

My opinion on the topic before I started my research was mixed, I couldn't decide if I thought that these impressions could be accurate. It seems like our impressions can be right sometimes, but other times they are completely off. 

To start my research I looked up what the main factors are in making first impressions. I found that we make decisions about people within 7 seconds of meeting them. Our impressions are based mostly off of non-verbal cues. Appearance can quickly outweigh anything that you say. I also saw that bad impressions make a much more lasting impression than good. So if you meet someone new who is really mean, it would take a lot of niceness from them to win back a good reputation.

The reason we make first impressions goes back a long time. When ancient humans met new people, they had to decide very quickly if that new person was safe. Our judging instincts now are from survival instincts back then. 

Online sources conflicted on how accurate our impressions are, so I decided to do some of my own testing. I showed a group of test subjects an image of a person and told them to write down their first impressions of that person. I did this twice with two different images of two different people. 

My results were mixed. On the first image less than 1/3 of the assumptions made were accurate. The test subjects described this person as wild, uneducated and a creeper. In reality this person has two design patents and has designed for Master Lock and General Motors. It seemed like everyone was describing the opposite of what this person was really like.

Image 1

Image 2

 On the second image more than 3/4 of the assumptions were correct. She was described as friendly, outgoing and athletic. That was correct. In this round almost everything that was said about her was true.

After the confusingly inconclusive survey, I went to ask some experts on their opinions. Jeff Erickson and Barb Peterson both do job interviews as part of their jobs (in separate businesses). I interviewed them because first impressions play a big role in their jobs. You might only meet a person briefly before deciding if you are going to hire them or not. This makes the first impression you make really important. Both of them told me that they tried not to rely on their first impressions too much. 

"I believe the more time you spend with a person, the more you will get a complete picture of their thoughts, character, ability, etc. "

~Jeff Erickson

"The method I try to follow is - keep an open mind and learn more about the person. There is a lot of truth to 'looks are only skin deep.' "

~Barb Peterson

So, from what I looked at our first impressions can be very inconsistent. We will probably always make first impressions, it's an instinct, and it happens automatically. Even if we can't stop making these impressions, we can stop relying on them so much. If you give people a chance and get to know them, they could be very different from what you originally thought they would be. 

Crogach: Our Utopia

Crogach

Rules

1. No Killing unless for government or military reasons.
2. No Stealing.
3. No Vandalism.
4. No genetic manipulation or cloning.
5. Immigration: First family, then qualified people, then others.
6. Wind and solar power must be used.
7. Be nice, respectful.
8. There are 9 judges in charge, listen to them.
9. Pay must correspond to job.
10. Follow Christian morals, rules.

Our society is centered around Christian ideals, but you don't have to be a Christian to live there. Anyone can be a member of society. As long as you follow the laws you are welcomed. 

Crogach is run by 9 elected judges, each specializing  in a certain area like Internal Affairs and Education. Having several specialists instead of one central leader means that better decisions can be made by people who know their area best. 

Another important concept in this society is independence. We try not to depend on other countries too much, we want to be self sustaining. 

---------------

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a system that generally shows our needs in order of what we go after first, from physiological needs (food, water, what you need to survive) to self actualization. Self actualization is a big way of saying reaching your full potential. It is the highest place on the pyramid. If you have reached self actualization you have a purpose and you are happy.

http://www.costaricantimes.com/the-broken-road-maslows-hierarchy-of-needs/23122

So if self actualization is what everyone should be working for, is there a good way to help make sure everyone can achieve it? Could we ever make a system to help everyone reach self actualization? The concept of getting people out of the physiological stage is easy enough, just provide them with food and shelter. But, as you go farther up the pyramid it gets harder to help people. You can't just give someone self esteem or friends. 

Because everyone is so different, its hard to give everyone self actualization. The concept of self actualization is being happy and content with your life. It takes something different for every person to be happy, so there is not one way to give everyone happiness or self actualization. Not everyone can fit in the same mold like that. 

"Every utopia faces the same problem: What do you do with the people who don't fit in?"

~Margaret Atwood

(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/utopia.html)

This is why making a utopia is so difficult. Everyone has a different idea of what a perfect society would be. Your society might be making one person really happy but there are always more people that are really unhappy with the exact same system. I could make a utopia centered around knowledge and literature, that would be perfect for me, but completely distopian for others.

"All my writing is about the recognition that there is no single reality. But the beauty of it is that you nevertheless go on, walking towards utopia, which may not exist, on a bridge which might end before you reach the other side."

~Marguerite Young

Because utopias are so difficult to create, I actually think it's pretty remarkable how good society is for us right now. Of course, I don't know much about it, but there are so many different factors to consider and so so many people to please, we are just lucky we ended up with what we have.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/utopia.html

Fahrenheit 451 Pt. 2

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury connects to Divergent by Veronica Roth. In Divergent, people are being controlled. They are forced to mindlessly do what they are told because of a mind-control serum in their blood. In Fahrenheit 451 the people are also mindless, but not because they are directly being forced. There is no serum controlling them, but they are led to have no desire to really do anything or think about anything. 

In both stories there are people that can rise above the control and think for themselves. They are different. Fahrenheit 451 has people like Montag. These people are not content with the "normal" lifestyle. They want to think for themselves, read, and learn. I don't know how these certain people become aware, but few do. In the other book, people who are not influenced by mind-control serum are called Divergent. This includes people like Tris. 

Both of these groups of people are constantly in danger. The government does not want anyone to be different or to know what is going on. Both Tris and Montag are hunted and they are often close to being killed. The two books have many parallels. 

Montag is not happy with the way he is living. But are there some that are happy? Mildred, Montag's wife seems happy. She is content with staying at home. She sits and talks to the tv's that are covering three of their parlor walls. Mildred would rather talk to the fake people on the walls that to her husband. She is a perfect model citizen, very against books and any conversation, law abiding and quite average. And she seems very happy. The only thing that brings her distress is when Montag starts breaking the law and reads books. 

So are these laws actually for the best? If Mildred, and most everyone else can be so perfectly happy when they are distracted from real life, distracted from any worries, why isn't this a utopia? Is thinking really a good thing if it brings so many other unpleasant things with it? 

We need thinking. We need it because, even if it brings some bad things, it also brings good. You can sit and think about whatever you want, choose to think about war and poverty or choose to think about freedom and the miracle of human existence. That the thing, you can choose. Because when thinking is taken away from Montag's world, they aren't just taking their thoughts. They are also taking away freedom and individuality. 

"I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough. it'll make sense."

Even if you have time to think of bad things, you can't have good without bad. Mildred may think she is happy, but what is there to compare to? Nothing will ever bring her any real emotion. The only thing she can really ever feel is ok. There will be no heart wrenching sadness, but there will also be no glowing joy. The sadness we experience just contributes to make the happiness feel that much better. 

"Stuff your eyes with wonder... Live as is you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask no guarantees, ask for no security, there never was such and animal. And if there were, it would be related to the great sloth which hangs upside down all day, sleeping its life away. To hell with that, shake the tree and knock the great sloth down on his ass."

Fahrenheit 451

In Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, the world is much different than it is now. Everyone is mindless. They are constantly watching their giant, room-filling TVs, or listening to their earpieces- feeding them constant music or news or just noise. All to distract them from real life.

I think this lifestyle was originally made to make everyone happy. If they are constantly distracted, they have no time to think about anything, let alone anything wrong with the world. In fact, sitting and thinking are almost outlawed. There are no longer porches, gardens, or rocking chairs, all places where people like to think. No one is allowed to talk to one another for the sake of talking, have a real conversation. If you want to converse you are considered an oddity and are kept watch on by the government. All so that you don't think, or discover that there is evil in the world .

"If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it be all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag. Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names or state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change."

Because the people are being kept from knowledge, they are also kept from books. Owning books is a crime, if you are found in possession of one, the 'firemen' come and burn your house down with the books inside. This makes most people think that books are some great evil, an elusive force that must be kept far away. They think that the books have power, but the power is in the knowledge that the books contain. 

"This is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us."

Within the mindless society there are a few that are 'aware'. They don't really go along with everything. They actually think. Montag is one of these people. What I wonder is what makes a person able to resist the messages everywhere telling them to just go with the flow and stop thinking. Are there certain people that are stronger and are able to see through the fake society? Or do they all need help? Montag is aware because Clarisse showed him how to slow down. Clarisse has her family to show her what to think. Does everyone need someone else to help guide them?

But it is dangerous to be like them. The government does what it can to lock them away. When they find someone who owns books, they take that person away. If someone has too many ideas, they might mysteriously disappear. So these people hide. 

"With school turning out more runners, jumpers, racers, tinkerers, grabbers, snatchers, fliers, and swimmers instead of examiners, critics, knowers, and imaginative creators, the word 'intellectual', of course, became the swear word it deserved to be."

Montag is just realizing how to be alive himself, maybe he can still become strong enough to help others think, and be alive too.

Julius Ceasar

Julius Ceasar needed to be killed. At least that's what it seemed like most characters in Julius Ceasar  by William Shakespeare would say. Ceasar was plotted against from the beginning of the story. But why was he so hated?

Many call Ceasar weak. And he was very weak, physically.

Cassius- Ceasar said to me, "Darest thou, Cassius, now
Leap in with me into this angry flood
And swim to yonder point?" Upon the word,
Accoutred as I was, I plunged in
And bade him follow. So indeed he did.
...
But ere we could arrive the point proposed,
Caesar cried, "Help me, Cassius, or I sink!"
...
He had a fever when he was in Spain,
And when the fit was on him, I did mark
How did he shake. 'tis true, this god did shake!
His coward lips did from their color fly,
And that same eye whose bend doth awe the world
Did lose his luster. I did hear him groan,
Ay, and that tongue of his that bade the Romans
Mark him and write his speeches in their books-
"Alas" it cried, "give me some drink, Titinius,"
As a sick girl. Ye gods, it doth amaze me
A man of such feeble temper should
So get the start of the majestic world
And bear the palm alone.
(1.2. 104-133)

Cassius talks about how he had to save Ceasar from drowning. I think this is one of the reasons that Cassius, and some others, may hate him so much. Ceasar is very weak, but he has power, he has the power that Cassius wants. It makes Cassius mad that such a weak man could end up with more power than him, a strong, healthy man.

Cassius- Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
like a Colossus, and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves dishonorable graves.
Men at some time are masters of their fates.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.
Brutus and Ceasar- what should be in that "Ceasar"?
Why should that name be sounded more than yours?
(1.2. 136-144)

Ceasar was also very self centered. He sometimes even referred to himself in the third person. This may have been another factor in why he was disliked. Because such a selfish person should not have control over so many. He would think of himself before he would think of his people. His overconfidence was a source of fear to some.

These growing feathers plucked from Caesar's wing
Will make him fly an ordinary pitch,
Who else would soar above the view of men
And keep us all in servile fearfulness
(1.1. 72-75)

They were afraid of what would happen if Ceasar gained any more confidence. Some were so afraid, and loathfull, they wanted to kill him. But, others thought differently. Some worshipped Ceasar. They had nothing bad to say about him.

Antony- I shall remember,
When Ceasar says 'Do this', it is performed.
(1.2. 12-13)

Antony knew Ceasar better than some and he was loyal to Ceasar. But, even the peasants who didn't know Ceasar idolized him.

Three or four
wenches where I stood cried, "Alas, good
soul!" and forgave him with all their hearts. But
there's no heed to be taken of them. If Ceasar had
stabbed their mothers they would have done no
less.
(1.2. 268-273)

So feelings towards this man are varied greatly at two ends of the spectrum. People seem to feel very strongly about him, either good or bad. They either love or hate him. Want to kill him or would die for him. But, there is one in the middle.

Brutus- It must be by his death, and for my part
I know no personal cause to spurn at him
But for the general. He would be crowned.
How that might change his nature, there's the question.
It is the bright day that brings forth the adder
And that craves wary walking. Crown him that,
And then I grant we put a sting on him
That at his will he may do danger with.
Th' abuse of greatness is when it disjoins
Remorse from power. And, to speak truth of Ceasar,
I have not known when his affections swayed
More than his reason. But 'tis a common proof
That lowliness is young ambition's ladder,
Whereto the climber upward turns his face.
But when he once attains the upmost round,
He then unto the ladder turns his back,
Looks in the clouds, scorning the base degrees
By which he did ascend. So Ceasar may.
Then, lest he may, prevent. And since the quarrel
Will bear no color for the thing he is,
Fashion it thus: that what he is, augmented,
Would run to these and these extremities.
And therefore think him as a serpent's egg-
Which, hatched, would as his kind grow mischievous-
And kill him in the shell.
(2.1. 10-35)

Brutus sees good in Ceasar. Good that will soon disappear. He thinks that too much power changes people, and will change Ceasar for the worse. It will make him look down on everyone, and be a very bad person, and ruler. So they needed to kill Ceasar before that happened.

It is interesting how people can have such conflicting views on the same person. Julius Ceasar is one person but there are infinite ways he is perceived. As a cowered, a leader, a weakling, a hero. And which of these views are right? Maybe all of them, or maybe none.

Animal Farm Readers Notebook

In my opinion, the story A good man is hard to find by Flannery O'Connor connects to Animal Farm. A good man is hard to find showed that a person can have good and bad in them but can never be completely good or completely bad. It is impossible to be 100% good or 100% bad, there must be something else there, even if you can't see it. That's why a good man is so hard to find.

I think the same is true for leaders. There can never be a perfectly good or bad leader. In Animal Farm by George Orwell, Napoleon is the leader for most of the book. He is far from being a perfect leader, he is very selfish. A good leader acts for the people, not for their self. But he isn't a purely bad leader either. He is smart and manipulative, he could have been a better leader if he put his intelligence to use helping the animals, instead of just helping himself.

So Napoleon isn't a perfect leader. But could any of the other animals on the farm have done better? The dogs Bluebell, Jessie, and Pincher are all followers, they do not have their own opinions. Clover the horse, is compassionate to a fault. Benjamin the donkey is old and not very ambitious. The mare, Mollie, is very selfish. And Boxer the horse, though very hardworking, is not extremely smart. So, every animal has a different kind of flaw. A good leader is hard to find, none of these animals, at least on this farm could be a perfect leader.

Throughout the book the animals work very hard to build a windmill for the farm. I kept wondering why this windmill was so important to the animals.

"(The windmill) could be made to operate a dynamo and supply the farm with electrical power.This would light the stalls and warm them in winter."

The Windmill was going to be used to generate electricity. This goes against the general thinking that man-made inventions are bad and shouldn't be used. If wearing mens clothes and sleeping in beds is such a bad thing, shouldn't using their electricity also be bad? Anyway, the animals lived without electricity for a long time and I don't see a great reason why they needed it now.

I don't think that building the windmill would have been such a big deal and a high priority. I think that the windmill could have been a distraction. Napoleon didn't want the animals to figure out how badly he was treating them so he made the animals work even harder. Every second they weren't farming seemed to be taken up by the building of the windmill. If the animals were working they had no time to think about rebelling.

If the animals knew about the real purpose of the windmill, it didn't show. The animals were all very protective of it. I think that another theme in the book is pride. When the windmill was knocked down, the animals were very disappointed.

"They had just noticed this when a cry of despair broke from every animal's throat. A terrible sight had met their eyes. The windmill was in ruins. With one accord they dashed down to the spot. Napoleon, who seldom moved out of a walk, raced ahead of them all. Yes, there it lay, the fruit of all their struggles, levelled to its foundations, the stones they had broken and carried so laboriously scattered all around. Unable at first to speak, they stood gazing mournfully at the littler of fallen stone."

Besides the fact that they worked really hard on the windmill, I think they were also sad because the windmill was a symbol of Animal Farm and what it could accomplish. No matter how bad the farm was doing, they would still be proud because that was their home, and it was probably the first of its kind. The Beasts of England song was another way they showed pride for their farm, like their anthem to be sung at special occasions. Just like we have pride for our towns or schools, the animals have pride for their farm. I think that pride was a major factor in keeping the farm going and uniting the animals.

So, Animal Farm held messages about leaders. That a good leader is hard to find, and that there are no perfect leaders. It also showed how important pride is, and how that alone can keep people (or animals) close.